Dear Katy,

Girlfriend, I need your help. Again. I hate to ask. You’ve already done so much for me. The Chromebooks you donated get used every day. In our classroom we have a giant poster of you and we often look into your inhumanly large eyes and give you thanks.

But I need you again. I need you’re name and your celebrity standing to….

(Actual desk in a classroom)

GET ME OUT!!!!

I know you get it. It’s like when you gave Russell and then John everything you had, but at a certain point you had to let go. And now, look, you have Orlando!

The truth is, I need to break up with my school.

So if you could maybe do me a solid and make some calls? (I’ll let you continue to use my photo for promotions. You know the one? We stood next to each other and you said I was cute? In Portland? Oregon…)

Okay. Just text me and I will give you a list of schools to call. Pleeeeeaaaaaaase?

You’re friend,

Rebecca